i just realized a ground breaking, earth shattering revelation about myself:
i find it an easier feat and a more favorable route to use logic and reasoning rather than creativity to solve my problems.
WHY AM I AN ART MAJOR AGAIN?!?A;SDFJALSJF no seriously- it's become a problem, where i really go out of my way to avoid the creative process when it comes to getting school work done. at a time like this, i really wish i had listened to my mom and went into something (primarily dumb sounding to me) like NUTRITION.
I FREAKIN LOVE NUTRITION NOW~~~~A;LSFJDALAJF;LJ.........
big sigh.. i'm just under some stress due to a self inflicted problem. (but it sounds like i'm having a mid-life crisis -____-...) procrastination, laziness, and facebook are the banes of my existence, and i'm not sure how to overcome my lack of motivation in a field where i've lost my initial sense of interest...
ugh what a sad story i tell. i'll persist and i'll be fine... oatmeal+honey+peanut butter=> good sigh...
and in other news, i think my puppy's on her period. the poor thing was quivering violently, her yaps were a lot weaker than usual, and peanut was looking pretty speedy compared to her sluggishness (oh and something about inconspicuous blood stains in her bed).
this is Cue btw haha "cue" like a cue ball- like her head! she was really docile when we first got her (back in the summer?). she was a stray, found nearby a freeway entrance by my brother's friend. she would have been run over for sure if she wasn't taken in. we didn't originally plan on keeping the slightly green tinted flea bag at the time, but she seemed so manageable, small, and cute- so we decided to keep her.
i had to purge her of a million fleas. all i had were my hands, tweezers, and a flea zapping shampoo (and i think chris was there holding her for me). it was equally grueling and disgusting.
but she got over her stray dog jitters, and now she's was an energy ball. she just jumped down lol. too quick for the camera.
and peanut's still a good boy. an oldie but goodie. (looks like he's in front of a computer, using the keyboard)
and in other news, i'm just about burnt out before finals have even started. oh i can't wait to see my friends again.
and a vid dump:
mario cart love song so beautiful i cried ;_;
nutrigrain bar commercial- feel great! that lady has the best crazy face ever.
just a quick thought before i go and paint up a storm, i've just been thinking... i wish i could major in cosplay ;_;
i'd love to cosplay and commission professionally one day. aaah.. nothing but anime and games, costume aesthetic, makeup, sewing, crafting and prop making, theatrics and roleplaying, and simple geeking out. oh i could day dream all day.... *___*
maybe after i win the lottery.
man i can't wait till winter break to finally start using the sewing machine chris got me (<333), and start working on costumes again. eek just a few more weeks!! >_<
hmm and i think my next module will be...home life and the family i need to stop being so lazy!
chapter 2: social life hm. lately it's been more of a lack thereof. my recreational activities (aka hanging out with chris and/or j'mi) occur mainly on fridays and saturdays and holidays, as i have a 5 day school week and sunday should be dedicated to doing homework but it usually never gets done in any case.. i am ever pathetically enslaved by my school duties- and yet i don't even do them (till the last minute i guess), and i still deny myself a social life . what a conundrum! but i think i can explain it.
we already know that i just don't wanna do art work, so i hold off on that and consequently just slack off almost entirely in the school department- but the reason why i don't just take that wasted time and don't just start hanging out is because 1) i'm pretending that if i sit around and think about doing it, i might end up doing it, 2) i'm punishing myself, 3) my guilty conscience. pretty self explanatory, i guess. i think most semi-serious students go through this mind set at one point or another.. i'm just a little stricter on myself than some others i guess? it's like- first when i realize that i'm sitting around not being productive, i "punish" myself by not letting myself go anywhere to try to get myself to do work.. but then again i don't push myself hard enough to actually start doing the work. pretty pathetic, huh?
but it's my 3rd reason that's the all encompassing reason that kills my social life: the guilty conscience. so this involves the feeling that: i can't have fun when work needs to be done, and i can't hang out with school friends (so much) when i have my original friends, and bf, at home.
i admit that it's mainly my scholarly side that consists of the bulk of my conscience in this case, but *sigh* lemme start talking about my school friends... i think they're nice... but they can be a little bit much. they're just a bunch of guys, and 2 girls, who are all pretty intelligent, but extremely nerdy. i respect them on the basis of their intelligence and wit, and asides from the times when they're being obnoxious geeks, they're a fun bunch and pleasant to be around- but it's at that point where i feel that something's being threatened there. just the fact that they're a bunch of nerdy, creepy guys is already kind of threatening, but it's more of the fact that the closer i get to them, the farther away i get from my friends at home. i know i don't have to feel that way, and i don't think that my friends at home feel quite as threatened as i do (well except maybe my boyfriend), but it's still.. unsettling. so lately i just haven't been hanging around them much.
it's like- i have this unshakable loyalty to my original friends, and i only stick around my school friends so that i could have people to sit next to when i eat lunch and... i could talk about cosplay with. i used to hang out with them more often when i didn't have such a crappy school schedule and didn't have a crappy art class to bog me down.. so i really have been neglecting my school friends. and as for my original friends- i don't even see them very often either! even after i painstakingly hold out for them... ;_; but i guess i do make more of an effort to hang out with the OGs.
it's just a little unfair in all cases as i see it.. even though this is how i chose it to be.. :/
ah but let me end on a better note- at least me and chris have gotten closer i think it happened when i decided to not confide in my school friends, so i guess that strengthened my relationship with chris, since i now turned to him for everything... ^__^;;
ok visual aid time: see? lookit how happy we are! this was at dinner with j'mi and ryan at kappo honda, and the picture was taken after i told chris "you could lean on me!".. yup. we're not that good at taking pictures :/
and here's a goofy picture of me and my school friends, minus april. yeah i guess we're all trying to eat that pizza i have in my hands... and stuff. don't be too grossed out, i still talk to these people :)
o hi april!
and see! we cosplay. :D haha bad picture of kyle though.
and of course, saving the best for last.. hehe the OGs <33 .. woops- minus angela! (wow have we really not taken a group picture with all of us since.. HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION?!) i demand another SYTYCD reunion!
ah. in the midst of the mid term, with mounds of art work and other such responsibilities that needs to be tended to- i think it's time to blog. and this time FOR REAL. AND IN MODULES! (yeah it's gonna be long, so if i continue day by day, i'll cover a different asspect of life each day)
school: ugh why does school have to be the first thing that comes to my mind when i try to reflect on my life? it makes so much, yet so little, sense. i mean- school = life, right? hm that says a lot about me, but lately, school's just been a huge drag and i hate it-- and that's saying something, coming from me. in the past, i was never the one to complain about school. while everyone else was studying their brains away and stressing over taking on 50 units, i was always cruisin' along with my 11-13 units, always right on the ball and doin' great, and i was kind of getting fed up with everyone's complaining. but now it's my turn to complain. a lot. and it's not even the amount of units that i'm taking or anything- it's just. me. and my intermediate drawing class.
man i hate this class (and what it's making me do). it's so.. contemporary, and ugly, and not my style. i can not, for the life of myself, work "empirically"- and that's where you start with some "random" starting point on the paper (like by stamping a transfered image down or just a plain old drawing) and then start adding MORE RANDOM STUFF to it, and then some how end up with a composition/picture of sorts. hm sounds mind-numbingly easy enough- there's practically no thinking involved- in fact, thinking's not allowed AND I CAN'T DO THAT >_< i must think long and hard of what i want to do- i can't stand ugly randomness- but that's what this class is. and it's cramping my style.
wow this is a lot of complaining about one stupid class... but man. it shouldn't even be hard to just crank out whatever comes to mind.. but the thing is, my creativity flow pretty much ceased to a halt with what- an unproductive summer and few quarters of embarrassingly effortless art classes. i haven't made any art that i'm actually proud of since my mosaic (which i still haven't show cased, huh...) and that animato banner up there. and that was quarters ago.
i think it's the combination of taking classes that i don't care for, and the fact that i've pretty much stopped trying that's gotten me into such a rut.
i sorely regret ever taking this ugly, ugly class.
sigh. ok and just to complete the "school section of my life/module- i'm also taking a water color painting class, which is.. a decently pleasant class (can never hold a candle to the awfulness of intermediate drawing), but it's a straight 6 hour friday morning class. and that in itself sucks. and then lastly, i'm taking marketing (yeah pretty cool i guess) and- STATS! HAH! OMG MATH! HOLY MAN i haven't taking a math course in more than 2 years and i am WELCOMING numbers and formulas and the feel of a calculator in my hand. i can't believe how i'm an art student and i'm actually more willing and excited to do stats homework rather than paint (but anything beats intermediate drawing i guess hahasdfalwj;alwkjfoaiw)
god talking about school totally sucks. but one last thing: interesting fact- being a fine arts major ≠ a bachelor of fine arts degree. the bachelor of fine arts degree constitutes being a graphic design major. wtf retarded >:O HUH THAT'S CURIOUS so yeah. i'm going to probably be in school for a long time cuz i've been taking lameo fine arts classes this whole time and haven't bothered to clear these things up any earlier. UGH MY LIFE.
THERE i'm done talking about school. seriously. sorry if you read all of that. LOOK PICTURES
omg coveted mosiac finally makes its debut appearance on xanga nationwide! man i will never forget the many hours i put into this thing. a lot of glass and mirror, scoring and breaking, hands cutting and bleeding. it's a pretty big peice too.. but i can't remember its weird dimensions. it's all glued onto a wood plank and is now hanging on the wall in my living room.. i think it's out of place there, but my parents seem to like it :/ good fung shway. i actually wanted to to sell the thing haha
and this is a page from that one design book that i did for my intro to computer as a medium class way back when i was making the animato logo and everything. i never posted a picture of this page cuz i guess i didn't feel the need for any input. the pikachu was made by hand, cutting and pasting clips from magazines, then scanning it into photoshop. pretty simple look but i liked it. the real, hard copy of the pikachu's pretty sweet.
argh and that's it for the school chapter for now. it needs to be winter break already =______= next chapter: social life
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. what a conundrum! but i think i can explain it.
i think it happened when i decided to not confide in my school friends, so i guess that strengthened my relationship with chris, since i now turned to him for everything... ^__^;;
